The Z-Party

01.01.20183 Min Read — In Scratch Theater

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Come to the Z-Party! A totally normal, not full of zombies party that you should definitely come to. Written for an actor who suggested a show about zombies at a party.

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place: a nightclub underneath a graveyard time: the near future Characters: Ghostie Loastie Howard James Z-Master GHOSTIE LOASTIE is pacing frantically. Ghostie loastie When is this new DJ going to arrive? We’ve been waiting for hours to start this party. I can’t believe he’d be so unprofessional and would be so late. It’s his first day and we are paying him handsomely. Five dollars an hour, plus we’ll haunt whoever he wants. He can scare his enemies without even trying. Who would turn that kind of deal down? I don’t understand why he’s not- Bang! Ghostie loastie (continued) What was that? Bang bang bang! Ghostie loastie (continued) What in the underworld? A voice calls out. Howard james It’s Howard James! I’m here for the party. Let me in. Ghostie loastie Howard James, Howard James, hmm, I don’t think you’re on the list. How did you find out about this party? Howard james I saw a poster. It looked fun. Ghostie loastie Hmm, well it’s gonna cost you if you want to come to my nightclub. Howard james How much? Ghostie loastie Five million dollars. Howard james I don’t have that much money. Ghostie loastie Do you have anything else with you? Howard james I have pizza. Ghostie loastie What kind of pizza? Howard james I have ten boxes. Cheese, pepperoni, sausage, mushroom, pineapple, hamburger, onion, cheese-free, olive, and everything. Ghostie loastie Hmm. Okay, you can come in. Ghostie Loastie opens the door and lets in HOWARD JAMES. Ghostie Loastie immediately takes the pizzas and puts them on the table. Howard james Wow, this place is cool. Ghostie loastie Welcome to my nightclub, the Z Party. Howard james Gee, you’re really pale. Ghostie loastie I don’t get much sun, where I’m from. Hey, a rhyme. Howard james It’s weird, having a nightclub under a graveyard. Ghostie loastie Is it? All my friends are so close by that it seems like a perfectly supernatural spot. Bang bang bang! Z-master It’s Z-Master! The DJ! Ghostie loastie Finally, I can’t believe you’re so late! Ghostie Loastie opens the door for him, helping the DJ to set up his equipment. Z-master Cool place. Ghostie loastie Thank you. Z-Master, this is Howard James. Z-master Hello. Howard james Hello. Z-master Pizza! Howard james Yes, there are ten kinds. Ghostie loastie Too bad one of them wasn’t brains. Howard james What? Ghostie loastie What? Nothing...so, Z-Master, I’m very excited you’ve arrived. Tonight is a very special night here at the Z-Party. Z-master What do you mean? Ghostie loastie Well, my friends and I have been getting bored of the usual people. We thought we could use some fresh meat. Howard james I understand. Sometimes the boredom eats at me too. Ghostie loastie Funny you should mention eating. Not funny haha, but funny in that I’m going to eat your brains. Howard james What? Z-master What? Ghostie loastie My friends and I have been hungering for something new, something exciting, something...delicious. Howard james Oh no, they’re zombies! Run, Z-Master, run! Ghostie Loastie chases Howard JAMES and Z-MASTER around the club. Howard James and Z-Master escape, leaving Ghostie Loastie huffing and puffing. He yells out. Ghostie loastie You two are lucky I died of smoke inhalation! Sorry, everyone, no new brains tonight. But hey, we’ve still got the pizza. I call the everything! Blackout. End of play.

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